Novel Excerpt, HELLO, UGLY

It was a big house and it had a wide open floor and it seemed like the hole in the wall was thousands of miles away. The mouse scampered toward the hole as fast as its little legs could carry it.

It didn't look back for fear of the sight that would paralyze it, but it knew the cat was close behind. It could hear the cat's big, deadly paws booming away, hard on the floor, on either side. The cat's hot, fish-stinking breath was the only thing there was to breathe.

The mouse screamed as it felt the big paw smack into its back but as its legs went out of control it managed to scramble into the hole.

It struggled to its feet, feeling all wobbly and exhausted and moved away from the entrance and the groping paw. The mouse ran down a passage that opened up into a cavern.

There was something living there. They were rats. The mouse saw that they were similar in shape but the rats were bigger, uglier, dirtier, mean-looking. Hateful. The rats glared at the mouse. They bared their sharp, malformed, yellow teeth.

**********

jack

       the rats, the rats

jack

hm?

what happened to your face?

huh oh my face oh i had trouble in school yesterday i fell and then a bunch of kids who hated me bashed my face into a zigzag

a zigzag

yeah you know

jack your father and i are worried about you

laughing, why?

look at you look at your face jack what's wrong you go off and disappear all the time without a word to us and

and NOW we get this letter from the school that says you're failing and you don't have enough credits to graduate

jack you know you can talk to us

listen up chief you've come too far to blow it now so get your ass in gear or

what's happening to you

we're not going to let you do this to yourself, hear me boy

it isn't normal

you're gonna wreck your future if you keep going the way you're going

can't go through life this way always going off without telling anyone what kind of a chance do you think you stand being so irresponsible

goddammit jack you'd better listen up you'd better

please jack your face

GODDAMMIT ENID

can tell you've been upset i know a doctor who is very good and he

ENID

HELP you if

ENID

god jack i know it's been hard with zoe and now carol and we can help you i know you can't concentrate if you can just work WITH us

ENID SHUT THE HELL UP

what

GODDAMMIT IT'S SHIT LIKE THIS THAT GOT HIM SO FUCKED UP TO BEGIN WITH ALL THIS KID NEEDS IS SOMEONE TO TELL IT TO HIM STRAIGHT NOW IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE PART OF THE SOLUTION THEN ALL YOU ARE IS PART OF THE PROBLEM SO SHUT UP IF ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO IS MOAN AND WHINE AND BE ALL TOUCHY FEELY

cliff jesus

I'M THE GODDAMN MAN AROUND HERE AND SOMEONE'S GOT TO TEACH HIM TO BE A MAN ANY OBJECTIONS ENID?

you sonofabitch he isn't normal

HE'S JUST CRYIN' FOR ATTENTION IS ALL AND NOW HE'S GOT IT AND I'M THROUGH PLAYIN' PUSSY

oh god cliff

DON'T OH GOD ME

goddammit i'm going out for a walk

you do that you go for a walk enid i'll take care of everything here

i know jack

ENID

jack the things you're doing i know they're not normal and i know you need to talk to someone

ENID GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE AND STOP SCREWING THIS KID'S HEAD UP GOD DAMMIT

oh you son of a bitch

SORRY JACK YOU KNOW YOUR MOTHER SHE MEANS WELL BUT SOMETIMES SHE JUST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND US GUYS YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

                                                                                 the rats, the rats

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LISTEN CHIEF IT'S A BIG HARD WORLD AND ALL BUT YOU'RE NOT MAKIN' IT ANY BETTER ON YOURSELF NOW WE GOT A BIG PROBLEM DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO PULL THINGS TOGETHER WITH YOUR GRADES SO YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GRADUATE?

sure dad

SURE? Y'KNOW IT'S IMPORTANT THAT A YOUNG MAN GET TO GRADUATE WITH ALL HIS FRIENDS AND FEEL LIKE HE'S AS GOOD AS HIS PEERS IT'LL LOOK BETTER ON YOUR PERMANENT RECORD AND YOU SHOULDN'T BLOW THAT

i won't

ARE YOU SURE FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ALREADY HAVE, SON

no i

I MEAN LOOK IT'S FUN TO BE FREE AND IRRESPONSIBLE WHEN YOU'RE A KID BUT THAT TIME IS OVER JACK AND NOW YOU'VE GOTTA FACE THE FUTURE AND THE SAD TRUTH IS THAT LIFE ISN'T ALL GOOFING OFF

i

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO GET OUTTA FAILING I MEAN LOOK IF YOU WANT I'LL GO DOWN THERE AND TALK TO YOUR TEACHERS AND SEE WHAT

no dad

WHAT?

no it's okay i've already met with my teachers and we're working together to straighten it out

SO YOU'LL PASS?

yeah dad i'll pass

SO YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GRADUATE WITH EVERYONE ELSE?

uh-huh

GOOD. THAT'S GREAT JACK YOU'RE STARTING TO SHOW SIGNS OF BEING A RESPONSIBLE YOUNG MAN ALREADY WANNA GO OUT WITH YOUR OLD MAN FOR AN ICE CREAM OR ANYTHING?

no dad I can't i'll be real busy these next few days hitting those books and everything

WELL ALRIGHT YOU GO DO THAT I'M PROUD OF YOU SON

thanks dad

                                                                                the rats, the rats their teeth

Copyright 1990 C.F. Roberts/2015 Molotov Editions

ENTRY

                                                          http://www.cfrobertsart.com/

THIS ENTRY WAS "HUBCAP DIAMOND STAR HALO"

Based on a True Story

Cheeto Girl, they called her. And yeah, I'm not joking, they really did call her that. She stumbled around the trailer park all day, dead-eyed, eating cheetos and drooling orange drool. I think she lived with her mother, although I never saw her mother....I don't think she went to school, but that's just because I never saw any evidence of her being in school. One time she came to my door and said, “misahwah buh suh vesweh.” Vesweh? After playing charades with her for about a half hour I understood she wanted to borrow vaseline. Why? “we guh behbuh.” Bebuh? “Weh behbuh! Yaknow, behbuh.” Near as I could figure she needed vaseline to remedy bedbugs. I gave her a jar and told her to keep it. Whatever she was going to do with the stuff to combat bedbugs, I didn't want it back. Later on she came to my door with a ball point pen. I guess it was in return for the vaseline. We take care of each other in this neighborhood....you work your shit job, collect your nut check, whatever it is you do, and you can maintain your fetish or your addiction or whatever with little to no problem (mine's beer, but I digress). Folks are nice. If someone's going to the mailbox they'll be happy to grab your mail for you and everyone knows when to leave you the hell alone. They'll even give you a ball point pen for use of your vaseline. That orange cheeto drool, though? Christ. Turned my stomach. Worst thing I've experienced since my last breathalyser test.

copyright 2015 Molotov Editions

ENTRY

This was "THE NEWS ABOUT ROGER"

WHAT I REMEMBER (1-4)

At some point in the mid '90s one experiment or exercise I did was to write four separate poems, all of which were entitled “What I Remember”.Why, I don't know. My record keeping is a little fuzzy, but from what I can tell no one ever ran these anywhere, so for better or worse you're probably seeing them here for the first time. Here they are, all four of them:

1

decried pain and

this piece of old

doddering spoonfed

lurched up and the

doctor

removed

a snapshot vague

old carousel melody

back lifetimes when

you and the haze

washed over like ether

squalled a malcontented

rage big baby

what it took

distant strains

saw pretty girls in

ribbons

and bows

skipping and leaping

over slopes in

verdant pastures---

2

you---

devolved from being

object abject w/functioning

orifices all too easy

self-destructive

prime directive

didn't have to be

didn't have to be

picture picture

lodged in stasis

you denied

ran ignorance is

bliss is blitz

rolled to see

meat exude

(lose me)

what it took

(lose you)

3

part was left

of this me

fragmented old

doddering fool

spoonfed restrained

took the buffer

hung on the

steadfast wall

looked for reason

decried pain and

the ongo hung

his head sad

prizes my entropy

4

hell give it a

name and a property

unto itself

i

go figure

it just

in a wash in a blur

frollicking they were

in meadows

green

the pollen

hung in the air

like butter

a shrill

across the room

a name at the

top of their lungs

woolen cling

smiles

denim well worn

clung hard to

a thigh shaken

trajectory

made me waver

heat that wells

shields past barriers

like a soldier

crawling

covered in dirt

she sauntered

in my direction

stood for the word

lines and curves

inquiring eye

my balance

was the

head hung

pushed

what it took i

she the fell i

black on white on

over over ribbons

sleight of hand of

mind of

took the

like ether

i abstained

ruefully

(in the corner the doctor shuffled his cards

circa mid-late 90s/copyright 2015 Molotov Editions

THIS WEEK'S PLAYLIST:

FFS-FFS

THE HEARTBREAKERS-LAMF

BLACK SABBATH-Born Again (Yeah----that's right---it's the much-maligned Ian Gillan album---what the hell are you gonna do about it?)

ENTRY

This was "Junkyard King" Published in VOX (Albuquerque, NM) 1996. Copyright 1996 C.F. Roberts/2015 Molotov Editions

ENTRY

 

THE SCOWL was published, in 1992 or '93, I think, in a little litmag called ILLITERATI. It was one of a rash of short stories I wrote shortly after I got done with my novel, HELLO, UGLY and that was a time when I was finding my footing as a writer. My prose stylings at that moment make me think of Chaim Potok on Angel Dust----and that's probably an insult to Angel Dust.

copyright 1990 C.F. Roberts/2015Molotov Editions