I used to read this one a lot at
open mics. It primarily consists of actual critiques leveled at
actual writers, usually by actual magazine editors....I was both a
writer and an editor at the time, so I was on both sides of the
fence.
FECAL ODE
The Critic says Confessional Poetry is
the earmark of an immature voice!
The Critic says one must avid preaching
to the choir!
The Critic pauses, scratches his balls
and neglects to make a note of it!
The Critic says your genre parody is
unintentional!
The Critic says you might hammer it
through his workshop for $300 per weekend!
The Critic says you are suffering from
Post-Beat Angst---take two New Yorkers and call him in the morning!
The Critic lists his priorities!
The Critic begs to differ!
The Critic declines to attend the Open
Mics as they are notoriously lowbrow and common!
The Critic shows up fashionably late to
extravagant functions!
The Critic insists upon a window seat!
The Critic maintains that the lesser
poets write about handjobs in pickup trucks because only the lesser
poets would give or receive handjobs in pickup trucks!
The Critic says it is crucial to remove
all personal experience and pain from one's erotica so that he might
retain his erection!
The Critic quickly adds that he is
single and attractive!
The Critic produces excrement that is,
in fact, transparent, textureless and virtually devoid of odor!
Copyright 1992(?) C.F. Roberts/2015
Molotov Editions
THIS WEEK'S
PLAYLIST:
MOTORHEAD-All the
Aces
MOTORHEAD-1916
HAWKWIND-Warrior at
the Edge of Time
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